Toledo Conference: 1985, A Sisters place in the home (14:26)
Address—G.H. Hayhoe
Notice that the meeting has mentioned as a meeting for families, and I hope the brand will bear while I speak, particularly perhaps to the sisters. Then, because I believe that they have so much to do with that part of the family life, I'd like to first look at Proverbs chapter 14. Proverbs chapter 14 and verse 26 in the fear of the Lord is strong confidence. And his children. And shall have a place of refuge. Well, I just thinking, brethren, of this verse, how it brings together two things so unnaturally brought together, fear and confidence. We think of fear as being the very opposite of confidence, but it's very precious to see that when there is the fear of God, then there can be a confidence in his goodness. Fear because we have no wisdom or strength in ourselves, but confidence because we know that the. Lord has said, My grace is sufficient for thee, My strength is made perfect in weakness. And so the Lord will help us when we're thoroughly cast upon him. When there is confidence in self, the the Scripture says that we're to have no confidence in the flesh, but we can have that confidence in the Lord. And then it ends with that beautiful expression. His children shall have a place of refuge. Why do we need a refuge? Well, because there are storms, because there are difficulties. And so his children shall have a place of refuge. Well, as I said, I just like to look at a few scriptures in connection with the place of the woman, in connection with the home. And I think it's very beautiful to see how very important she is. I believe that sometimes we might underestimate the importance of the sister's place in the home, I've often said. God wanted something very special to be in the home. A man cannot fill the place of a woman in the home. The woman can step out of her place and she can fill the place of a man to a large extent in the business world, she doesn't lack in the ability to assume that place, but in doing so, she leaves void a place that only she can fill. Only she has the ability from God to fulfill and to fulfill. So well, and so I believe that it's a very, very important place that God has given. 1 is often commented that if man takes the place of leadership and headship, he has no more right to it than the woman unless God has given him that place. But if God has given to the man that place, then he has fitted him for it and he can give to the man, the husband, the grace to fulfill the place. God has assigned to him. And it's a very, very difficult place when it's filled in the fear of the Lord. Any of us who are men who have sought to fulfill the place and the fear of God and to occupy the place of leadership know very well that it casts us very much upon the Lord. And so I say, it's a place assigned of God. It isn't a place that we would have chosen for ourselves. But that has been given. But there is a very wonderful place. That God has given to the sister. Let us turn back to Judges here in the 13th chapter of Judges. And this is in connection with the birth of Samson, the second verse. And there was a certain man of Zora, the family of the Danites, whose name was Menoah. And his wife was barren, and bear not. And the Angel of the Lord appeared unto the woman, and said unto her, Behold, now thou art barren, and bearest not. That thou shalt conceive and bear a son now. Therefore beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine or strong drink or nor, and eat not any unclean thing. For LO, thou shalt conceive and bear a son, and no razor shall come on his head. For the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb, and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines. Then the woman came and told her husband, saying, A man of God came unto me, and his countenance was like the countenance of an Angel of God, very terrible. And I asked him not whence he was, neither told. He me his name. But he said unto me, Behold, thou shalt conceive and bear a son.
And now drink no wine, nor strong drink, neither eat any unclean thing, for the child shall be a Nazarite to God from the womb to the day of his death. Then Manoa entreated the Lord, and said, Oh my Lord, let the man of God, which doubted sin, come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born. And God hearkened to the voice of Manoah, And the Angel of God came again unto the woman as she sat in the field. But Manoah her husband, was not with her. And the woman made haste and ran. And showed her husband, and said unto him. Behold, the man hath appeared unto me that came unto me the other day. And Manila arose and went after his wife, and came to the man, and said unto him, Art thou the man that speakest unto the spakest unto the woman? And he said, I am. And Manoah said, Now let thy words come to pass. How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him? And the Angel of the Lord said unto Manoah, Of all that I said unto the woman. Let her beware, she may not eat of anything. That cometh of the vine. Neither let her drink wine or strong drink nor eat any unclean thing. All that I commanded her let her observe. This is a very remarkable story that is brought before us here in the book of Judges. Things were at a very low ebb in Israel's history at this time. We know how sadly they had departed from God. And now God is going to raise up a strong man. Samson, He's going to raise up. Man whom he's going to use for the deliverance of Israel from the Philistines. And we notice here that the Lord, the Angel of the Lord, appears to Manoah's wife, not to him. And this shows the importance of the position that she was to occupy in regard to this child. Being a little older, I have often noticed that no matter how godly the husband may be, if there is not that support of his wife behind him, if she is not ruling the house in a way that is acceptable and pleasing to God, why? Very often there is not the blessing that we would desire to see in the home. But I have often seen where there was even an unconverted husband. Where the mother walked in godliness. How wonderfully the Lord came in. And how He blessed in that home. And this brings before us the importance of the woman's place in the home. We see here the message came to her and there was a special word to her as to her own personal walk. How she was to be careful that she herself was to be a pattern of godliness. And all of us who are older and look back, we think of the patterns that our mothers set to us, our Father. Of course. But very often the impression that the mother has sat has been the most important and the most noticeable to us. And here the word that came to the woman was of her own personal conduct. Now we see that her husband was concerned, and that was right that he should, and we see that he was willing to assume a place of responsibility. For he asks, how shall we order the child? And how shall we do for him? He was concerned as being the head in the home, in God's place of responsibility. But again, the message points to the mother and to how she should act, because this child was to be brought up as a Nazarite, a separated 1. Doesn't this show us how very important the mother's place then is in the home? And we know how that Samson grew up. He wasn't a perfect son. There were things. That must have caused them sorrow. And yet we see how that God graciously came in and blessed Samson and made him a deliverer for the people of God. We see also another case in connection with Timothy, and I was surprised when I read that. It tells us that. The grandmother was Lois and the mother was Eunice, and Eunice was married to a Greek and I thought what a sorrow this must have been. To Lois, when her daughter married a Gentile, perhaps she might have thought it's all over now because she has married a Gentile. What blessing can I expect in the home? Well, it seems that in the ways of God that Mother Eunice was very faithful and sought to bring up her children to please the Lord. I'm not at all justifying what she did in marrying the one who was a Gentile, and we're not even.
Told that he was a man of faith. But we see how the importance of the mother comes out. And may I say to parents here, perhaps you saw one of your children make a mistake, marry someone that very much disappointed you. Keep on praying, keep on praying. That mother came in and this child, Timothy, was born and turned out to be a wonderful person in the New Testament. One whom Paul wrote two epistles to, and who walked in a great measure of godliness. Oh, how wonderful are the ways of God. How he delights to come in, brethren, in spite of our failure. But we're told about this faith that dwelt first in Laws and then in Eunice, and it was also in Timothy. Now let's turn over to Second Chronicles Chapter 29. Second Chronicles Chapter 29. Hezekiah began to reign when he was 5 and 20 years old, and he reigned 9 and 20 years in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Abijah, the daughter of Zechariah. And he did that which was right in the sight of the Lord, according to all that David his father had done. We notice how the Spirit of God often mentions the name of the mother. Sometimes it was in a sad context. In one of the kings we know that he married the daughter of Jezebel. And that was a sad household. And it was a definite turning away from God. But here we find in the case of Hezekiah, that he married this one of Abiah the. His mother's name was Abijah, the daughter of Zechariah, and we find that Zechariah was a priest. It's very lovely what it says. I think it's in the 25th chapter. If I remember correctly. There's a little mention of this man, the 26th chapter of Zechariah and the fifth verse Speaking of Amaziah. And he sought God in the days of Zechariah. Who had understanding in the visions of God, and as long as he sought the Lord, God made him to prosper. I just call attention to see that this was a godly father, and no doubt a godly mother. And we see the result was that this reign of Hezekiah was a very wonderful reign in the history of Judah, one of the most godly of all the kings. But God traces it back to this godly mother and the. That she had upon this boy, and how he went on for the Lord, and how he followed the Lord. And now I'd like to turn over to Proverbs chapter 31, and I'd like to read here what the Spirit of God has to say about the virtuous woman. Verse 10, Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need. To spoil She shall do him good and not evil all the days of his life. Her life She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant ship. She bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, an apportion to her maidens. She considereth a field and buyeth it with the fruit of her hands. She planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good. Her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor. Yeah, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders. The land she maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She opened her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looked at the well to the ways of her household. And he doth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates. It's quite evident that. Solomon had a mother who taught him some things. Just noticed the first verse of the 31St chapter. The words of King Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. Isn't this interesting? In the early part we see the father fulfilling his very important role and speaking to the children and seeking to warn them about many of the dangers. But we see here that his mother also had quite a bit to say. And I was struck by the word, the prophecy that his mother taught him. Why does it say the prophecy? Well, I believe that she had foresight. She was looking on. She watched. She was thinking of what her boy was going to be later on in life, not just nursing him and doing the necessary little things that a mother is called upon to do in the household, but she was looking. On she was preparing him for the future. She was very close to him, apparently. She gives him some warnings too, substantiating what her father, what her husband had said, because she warns him too, about the danger of getting involved with women that might be a hindrance to him, the danger of wine, the danger of being an unfair person. And she tells him about those things too, because those things are so important. It says the fear of the Lord is the beginning. Of wisdom, and let me quote that verse again in the fear of the Lord is strong confidence, and his children shall have a place of refuge Oh, how needful then that we should always walk in the fear of the Lord. Well just to say a little bit about this virtuous woman I've noticed 7 things about her that I thought were very lovely first of all, virtue. That is, she was pure. She was, she was, she had personal. Courage in the 15th verse. He was industrious in the 16th. She had business ability. In the 18th verse he had confidence, in the 20th verse he had kindness, and in the 21St verse she had foresight. Isn't this lovely to see these characteristics? Well, you know, it's very important that. Women should develop these characteristics that God has given to them. And I think it's so lovely to see all this in the sphere of the home because even though she did. Deliver girdles to the merchant, Even although she did consider a field and buy it, we can see that all was within the sphere of the home and under the recognition of her husband. But she carried on in such a way that she didn't set herself forward. But after she had done all these things, then it says her husband is known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders of the land. I've often said behind great men. And there's usually some great woman, and you find this very clearly brought out in this chapter. And if I may speak to young sisters and young mothers, how very important your role is. God seems to emphasize it so much in His Word. And I believe when you take it to heart, you can see what a blessing you can be in the home. It says there the heart of her husband does safely trust. In her I believe that a happy marriage is founded upon mutual trust. There needs to be, and there of course must be love. But there also needs to be that feeling of confidence. If there's anything that I can't tell my wife and share with her, then there isn't that feeling of trust and confidence. Perhaps I'm afraid to tell her. Well, in there I can't. That's because I can't trust her. Isn't it nice here to see the heart of her husband as safely trust in her? He can come and he. Find support because when God made a help meet for Adam, it says that it wasn't good for him to be alone. He needed someone to help and support him. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her.
Then it tells us here there was she was industrious. She rises while it is yet night. Many mothers know all about this better than we men do. I think now in the responsibilities of a home by the mother is often the one who is deprived of sleep. But let's not think that this is an unimportant place. You know the Lord takes notice of all those things. I've often been struck how much there is in the Bible about night seasons and about my rains and struck me in the night seasons and Paul and David said, thou holdest mine eyes waking. I am so troubled that I cannot sleep. There are often times when we learn things in the night seasons so we see this about this wonderful mother. Then I say she had business ability. Everything in the hands of her husband, but she was able to carry on when it was necessary to transact some kinds of business, and seeing her husband could safely trust in her, he could leave these things with her and say, you can look after this dear. And then it tells us here in the 18th verse, she perceiveth that her merchandise is good. That is, there needs to be a certain measure of confidence, and husbands that are wise will inspire their wives with that measure of confidence. That how often we know that they find a great deal of pleasure when we recognize something well done, something that they have done that was better than we could have done ourselves. And so we have the privilege of inspiring them with that kind of confidence. And then I think it's lovely. In this 20th verse, she stretches out her hand to the poor. Yeah. She reaches forth her hand to the needy. She wasn't too busy in the household to forget the needs of those who are outside. In Proverbs, it talks about the rivers of water running out from a happy home and how it runs out into the streets. And you know, when there is a happy home, there's always a time for outreach. There's a time when we can consider the needs of others. And the mother has a a special share in this. Often a mother can do far more in showing that little bit of kindness. We find that there are women that helped in the gospel, and I've no doubt that it was much more fitting that they should go around to the doors and invite people to come to the gospel meeting. Little acts of kindness, perhaps saying, I'll mind your children for you tonight so you can get out all those little things. The Lord takes notice. Brethren, I think we underestimate the place and the wonderful place that God has given to the woman in the world today. The idea is to step into the man's place. I often say, why is our place so wonderful? I don't know why. Women should think that the man's place is so wonderful. I think God gives. To the woman, a very wonderful place. Then she has foresight. She thinks about the future. And you know, that's another thing that women have that men don't have. They have an intuition about the future that we don't have. And I'm sure all of us who are married have had our wife say to us now watch, something is going to happen. And they point out something that we didn't notice, but they noticed it. They saw something coming. God has given them something that a man doesn't have. All these beautiful. Characteristics and you don't read anything about her husband until you come to the 23rd verse. He's sort of as it were hidden in the background for a little while behind this woman and then it says her husband is known in the gates. Why is he known in the gates? Well, he has such a wonderful wife that everybody recognizes him. He has a health. He has what God has provided for him so that he might be what he is because of the wife that God. God has provided, but she doesn't take his place. She is quite content to have him in the public aspect of things. We find that even with the women whom God used in days of great weakness in Israel, there wasn't any man that was in communion with the mind of God to know that they ought to go out against Sisera. And so God gives a message to Deborah, but Deborah didn't say now.
Listen, Barrick, if you don't go, I'll go. I'm quite capable of leading the army. No, she stirred up Barrack. She recognized the place that God had assigned to him. But the song is hers, and God takes a great deal of recognition about what she had done. But she didn't take the place of leadership again. We find in the case of Huldah, things were at a pretty low ebb in Israel's history again. How there was much closer to the Lord, the prophetess who dwelled in the college. And when they sent to ask her what should be done about that book that they had found in the House of God, why she's the one who tells about why God had dealt with Israel and that that book was very important. But she didn't say, I'll stand up and read it to the people. It's been neglected for a long time. No, but she stirred up Josiah. To fulfill his place, and he did fulfill that God-given place. And there isn't anyone of the kings that seems to stand out so brightly as Josiah. And that was a big moment in his life, shall I say, when through the prophetess Huldah, he is stirred up as to his responsibility. Well, here it returns again to the woman and what she was doing. She makes fine linen, and sells it, and delivers girdles unto the merchant. And then it tells us here in the 26th verse she opened her mouth. With wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She wasn't one who was out asserting herself. And isn't this very beautiful to see? I think there's nothing sweeter than to hear a sister open her mouth and you can say that her tongue is the law of kindness. How may I say, dear sisters, develop that in the household. Develop it in the assembly. You have a place to fulfill in the home and in the assembly. That only you can fulfill in the proper way. Now it turns again and speaks about her children. Her children arise up and call her blessed. Yes, they recognize this mother whom God has provided for them. And her husband isn't forgetful. It says her husband also, and he praiseth her. I think we as husbands fall short, I know I do, of giving that little word of praise and recognition when it should be given. But here we find that her husband is not neglectful of this responsibility. If he is going to take a place of leadership, he knows that that person who isn't in that place of headship. Was the one who helped him in his time of need. And then he closes here by saying favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. How much time is spent on trying to do something to attract attention to ourselves by our appearance? But it says here favor is deceitful and beauty is vain. But oh, how lovely to see. May I say to you, boys who are not married, look on the inside, not just on the outside. The inside is what really counts. I don't mean that the woman won't have good taste. It tells us here in. The 22nd verse, her clothing is silk and purple. She knows how to dress nicely, but she is more occupied with what's inward. And I believe these things are very, very important when they're brought before us here. And shall I say this doesn't only apply before marriage, this applies after. This applies in the household too. For it says a woman that feareth the Lord, She shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands. And let her own works praise her in the gates. Now I believe, brethren, that when the time comes that our lives are manifested, that the judgment seat of Christ, there'll be many surprises. Perhaps some who occupied a more public place will not receive so great a reward. 1 is often said, the more our service puts us in the public eye, the more danger there is of doing it for the applause of man. But I think a sister requires a lot more spiritual energy to fulfill her place. Back hidden, as it were, than the man does, because she's often unnoticed. But the results are in the children. I've often asked the question, who could tell me the name of Moses? Parents Moses and Aaron and Miriam? I find very, very few people who know their names. And yet everybody knows about Moses and Aaron and Miriam. Why?
For those two people were sort of hidden. But was there work and labor of love in the background hidden? No 3 wonderful children, two men and one women, one sister came out as a result of a work that we see entirely hidden. There's not a word about what the parents did, just that they were of the tribe of Levi. And then we see the result of a quiet work going on in the home. 3 wonderful children. Don't think it's lost time to be in the home. I've heard some say all that's that's dull, it's monotonous. Oh, but it's so important. It's so very necessary. Now let's turn over to first Timothy chapter 5. First Timothy chapter 5, verse 14. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. The reason I read this? Perhaps some will be surprised. To notice that in the J&D translation, Mr. Darby translates it rule the house. Rule a house, not just guide the house. Now this doesn't mean that she took the place of her husband, but it means that there are two who are sharing that place together. Her brother Willis pointed out one time that when Cain was born, he was named by his mother and as far as Scripture records, by his mother only. We know that Eve showed herself having a little tendency to take a place of leadership that didn't belong to her, and we know the sad result of that taking that place. But afterwards, when Seth was born, we find both the father and the mother together involved in naming Seth. And it says then man began to call upon the name of the Lord. So, you know, there's a mutual rule in the home. And it's lovely how. Mother and mother can talk over together those things that are necessary to maintain order in the home. It's so important to work together. And so it isn't just one person ruling and the other person just tailing along. It's two people together sharing and occupying that place that God intended for the home. Well, how beautiful it is to see God's order as revealed in His Word. I just like to turn to one passage before I close. In Acts chapter 16, Acts chapter 16 and verse 30 and brought them out and said, Sir is what must I do to be saved? And they said believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved and thy hosts. And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house. The reason I am turning to this is because. There may be parents here and. I'm one of them why we feel how we've made many mistakes and we have failed in fulfilling the place that God assigned to us as parents. But I've always taken great comfort from these verses that I have just read, brethren. These words were spoken to a father, and I suppose probably there was a mother in the home because they were brought into his house and meat was set before them. These words were spoken before these parents did any act toward training their children, before they'd even started. And it tells us here that God made a promise. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. The reason I'm calling attention to this is because. Because we do make mistakes, we fail, but in such, in such things, it's good for us to cast ourselves upon the Lord. Some people have said to me, how is it that I've seen parents that don't seem to have the desire that they should have seen their children turn out so well? And I've seen others who have tried so hard and their children haven't turned out so well. How is it? Well, I just thought of it like this, brethren. That sometimes we can get pretty confident in ourselves. And I hope there isn't anyone because of what I have said today, who's going to say, well, I think I'm going to do a good job and then my children will turn out right. Because you know, when we have that kind of pride in our hearts, the Lord may just let us see that it's all a work of His grace, that He is the one and the only one who can work in the hearts of our children.
And sometimes when our children were small. The Lord brought us to the point where we had to say, Lord, we failed and we don't know what to do, but we cast ourselves upon thee. And I like to feel that the blessing of the family is the sovereign grace of God. We ought to seek to fulfill our responsibility. It's a wonderful privilege to have direction in the Word of God. There's a joy in fulfilling those directions, but the blessing of the household depends upon the sovereign grace of God. And every one of us. Perhaps can say, well, I know I haven't just filled the place that I should, but here's this lovely promise. Cast yourself upon God's grace, count upon him. You'll be surprised how he comes in. And perhaps, as I say, in that household where the parents knew they had failed, that they hadn't done as they should in bringing up their children, they get on their knees and own their failure to the Lord owned their shortcomings and cast. Upon the Lord's grace, and He did exceeding abundantly above all that we could ask or think. Our God is the God of all grace. He gives us direction. He shows us how we should act. But how good to know that He does come in in spite of our failures, in spite of our mistakes. Let's not give up. Let's count upon Him. Sometimes we may not live to see the blessing that comes. When Elimelech took his family down into. Why, his two sons died in Moab, but he never lived to see the blessing that came when God wrought in the heart of Ruth, introduced her into the royal line, and made her such a blessing in the royal line of Israel. We may not always live to see the results, but let's cast ourselves upon the grace of God. But I say again, may I encourage the dear sisters. I speak very humbly. I'm a brother, and I feel sort of humble about talking to. Sisters, in this way, but I do trust each one of you will realize that you don't have to step out into the business world and try and make your mark in the world. God has given you a unique, a wonderful place which only you can fulfill and fulfill well to His glory and for your blessing. And you may be surprised in another day if you seek to go on for Him, but it will be to hear His well done.